uli is a rockstar, but i could have one with jeffrey.

seriously, uli better win. as someone from stella's homeland and someone with inga's hair, uli is so the right choice, unless, of course, you go with jeffrey, who is the designer i'd most like to have design for me. naked. sorry, but the neck tats really work for me. that and the whole punk-rock-former-heroin-user-chic. inga hearts the bad boys.

but i digress.

uli's dress (to the left) this week rocked.

but then again, jeffrey's neck art always rocks (to the right), plus he's a younger man, which always makes inga happy!

so, really, it comes down to this: uli's uber-talent? or jeffrey's uber-sexiness? hmm. it's going to be a tough call.

i woke up in a cold sweat

okay, so sometimes stella isn't the rational woman she usually is. those times happen most often just when she's woken up.

this morning, i stayed in bed a little longer than usual and dozed back off. bad idea. i always have those weird sort-of-in-sort-of-out dreams, and they're never good. this one started alright. i was with dev, we were happy to see each other, a little of this, a little of that, and somehow or other there was the chance for me to see a little extra skin. in my dream.

in the nightmare that took the place of that nice little dozing dream, that little extra skin had some weird colored marks on it. i picked up dev's shirt, and there were dozens DOZENS!! of awful, bright tatoos. he was covered in warner brothers characters and a comic-strip-style montage of an homage to terence malick films. what the fuck? the space on his back on which it would make sense to put a big old carp was taken up by an enormous yosemite sam. in my nightmare, i started to cry, and when he asked what my problem was, i replied, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM ALL THE TIME!" good lord.

the worst part? as soon as i woke up, i called dev and asked, "you haven't gotten any more tatoos, have you?" don't worry, all, he has not.

eyes on the prize

Or not. This from the NPR blog.

"Go-go dancers banned from dancing near tanks and soldiers during Thai coup."

oh, and now my boyfriend

It's another long one! But so, so good.



Lots of long clips, just for us!

okay, so this one's just for inga

Nobody else look. Inga's got her crush on.

for my good friend, inga

Just for you!



And another for Inga to see more of the lost interview. She might want to stop when Arianna Huffington (wtf?) starts to talk.

I hope his parents don't see this...

Who among us hasn't wanted to do this?

I just hope that kid's parents aren't litigous.

a theater near you?

stella needs a hug

Since Sunday, someone in Inga and my circle and I have been engaged in a ... debate (??) over sending mass emails. He, let's call him Sancho, just for the fun of it, sent to 67 people in his address book an email expressing disgust over the possibility of giving social security benefits to illegal aliens. You should sign the petition to sway Congressional opinion, forward it, and at the 500th signature, forward it to the Prez. Fine. Whatever. I would normally just delete this sort of thing, but it confused me that this person sent the email AND it was just so full of inaccuracies that I responded.

The email repeated again and again that "illegals" were sucking our benefits dry, that they were breaking the law, that we needed to protect ourselves, yadayada. Then it called for the Congress to require CITIZENSHIP to attain benefits. In my response, I pointed out that not all non-citizens were illegal aliens. That there are more than two categories and that requiring citizenship for benefits would deny legal resident aliens the benefits they legally paid into the system for (in my case) 50 years by retirement.

The email was also wrong in the assertion that illegal aliens don't pay into the system. They do. Illegally. They get jobs here by stealing or making up a social security number, and as a result, their paychecks are docked for FICA and taxes and social services just as everybody else's is. The difference is that they never get their money back. (I didn't say they should in my email response, nor did I say that I thought illegal immigrants were doing the right thing by breaking U.S. laws, BTW.) I did joke that perhaps it was the payments of illegal immigrants into social security that they couldn't hope to get back out that was keeping it afloat for the rest of us.

AND THEN, I pointed out that the act to which he was referring, the Comprehensive Immigration Reform Act of 2006, was part of a bigger discussion, including granting guest worker status and amnesty, and that the questions really asked what to do with the social security status and payments of workers once they were granted legal worker status. It wasn't a blanket "let's give benefits to illegal immigrants" thing. So - the hysteria wasn't necessary.

His response? 1. He "took the liberty of interpreting" citizenship to mean legally residing, so he wasn't sure what created an "issue" with me. 2. He doesn't care if illegal aliens are paying for HIS benefits. They deserve to. 3. Whatever. And he was mean about it. 4. We should close our borders to anyone who doesn't have family here. 5. Sweden has restrictive border policies, and nobody's calling them "fascist" for it. 6. He didn't want me to insinuate that he was xenophobic, insensitive, or ignorant.

My re-response? 1. If you're calling for changes to federal law, then maybe we should be precise with our terminology. Many people in the U.S. don't realize that there are legal non-citizens, and being one such non-citizen, I'm a little offended to be asked why I don't "go back home" and why I don't "follow our laws" when, in fact, I do. And I know them better than you ignoramouses do, apparently. (I left that ignoramous thing out of my response.) But, let's not play the assume-game when we're dealing with the law.

2. If you feel this strongly about an issue, write your OWN DAMNED EMAIL OR LETTER TO YOUR CONGRESSPERSON! Don't forward a bull-shit piece of junk mail. It looks stupid, all full of grammatical errors and faulty logic.

3. Some faulty logic: (a) Why is this thing supposed to be forwarded to the Prez? I pointed out that the Congress and Executive were sepatate branches of government. If they wanted Congress to act, then they should send their petition to Congress. (b) WTF with the email petition. I reminded them that anyone who's circulated a real petition knows how hard it is to have THAT verified and accepted. Why would a non-verifiable, anonymous email petition be taken seriously? (c) I have junk mail filters for this crap. Don't they think the White House does?

4. Sweden IS widely criticized for its restrictive policies. I recommended he Google "Swedish immigration policies" and find some of that criticism. Just because it's not reported in the Center of the Universe (Sancho's hometown, USA), doesn't mean it ain't happenin'.

I got a response from a friend of Sancho's. She was pissed. I responded. We agreed on several points. She felt bad for being such a bitch.

I got a response from Sancho. The gist: How dare I respond to HIS (which was capitalized as MY in his response) e-mail list with this stuff. These are HIS friends and family, not mine. His family and friends don't care, and he's embarrassed to have had to explain my replies to them. He knows that I'll probably respond again because I have to have the last word with something equally "vitriolic" and "inappropriate." I can think he's an asshole, and he's fine if we never talk again. More or less. And he was mean about it.

Alright, so I'm not supposed to voice my opinion, which was, especially in the first email, couched in niceties and references to our friendship? I'm not supposed to point out that these junk emails aren't appreciated? You should go on thinking that just imagining that you're not xenophobic (we should close the borders?), insensitive (you sent this email to me and other non-citizens in your address book and then insulted my questioning your rationale?), or ignorant (you forward an email full of errors in language and fact with no research or deliberation?) is enough to give you these traits? I'm supposed to take whatever crap you drop into MY mailbox, unwanted, and sit on my hands while you perpetuate falsehoods with what you call an "innocent chain mailing"? My doing so would insinuate my acceptance of those beliefs. I'm tired of deleting those things out of politeness's sake.

So if you don't want a "vitriolic" (read: well considered, polite, and researched) response to a piece of what I'm on the verge of considering hate mail, be mindful of who you drop into the address line.

spoil sports.

so after hearing about ol' Bill's tirade on Fox News sunday night, i was pretty excited to put up a link to his response to chris wallace and, essentially, " his [clinton's] efforts to combat terrorism, the Bush administration's record of dismal failure and the tactics of fox news." really, bill was a dynamo (okay, so i am a little bill biased - i heart bill! years ago he came down to my college and wow, we all swooned, seriously; sure, this was prior to monica, but i have to say, we all make mistakes in choosing playmates - kids who know inga well know some of her mistakes!).

but i digress.

so i go to youtube. i put in bill clinton fox news. and this is what i get when i click on the bill clinton/chris wallace links: This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner Fox News Network, LLC because its content was used without permission.

isn't it nice that fox likes to share?

all i have to say is this

Fuck you, Derek McDreamy. You're a big fucking ass.

things you can tell just be looking...

at a place's cable line-up.

Here in _____, the cable listings offer no, NOT ONE!, Spanish channel. Not a one. Apparently, there's nobody here who doesn't speak English (read: there shouldn't be, according to the local population). However, there are seven Jesus channels.

Priorities?

new fave from an old friend.

thanks to lovely Ck for introducting me, via his blog, to my favorite new website. inga hearts the scandis!

things i hate, part 321.

1. george w. bush (but that's a given - need i have really mentioned it?)

2. alice adams. sure, she's dead. but for the second weekend in a row, alice has completely screwed my weekend plans (apologies to both oonagh - last weekend - and definer - this weekend)

3. grad students in education who, during an APA presentation, sit in the back row and talk the entire time; i mean, at this point (we're talking ph.d students) in your lives, don't you know what the word 'respectful' means? especially since a fair number of ph.d students working on their dissertations have no clue how to cite at all? or how to integrate sources? or, you know, write? and why are the education students always the worst ones?

4. old dudes with chips on their shoulds who consistently try to undermine their super cute blonde instructors - dude. get the clue. you aren't going to ruffle me feathers. you will, however, incur my wrath, which is not pretty

5. project runway reruns when i'm totally read for the season finale

6. lima beans

7. that stella's so far away and our snark has to be online. or on telephone line

8. winter weather in september ( i am so not ready for my wool tights yet!)

9. alice adams

10. lists

makes sense, when you think about it.

those who know stella know she kind of sucks at the communication thing (funny, too, esp. if you know her). so we've been playing tag with email and the phone, leaving quick messages, but not really have had a chance to talk talk.

but yesterday i got an honest to goodness voice mail from stella. what was it about? how the new job is going? how much she misses us all? how excited she is to visit dev soon?

nope.

i got the 411 on the liquor store she found.

rock on, stel, rock on.

ode to the older guy in the first row with the hella big chip on his shoulder.

Beginning sentences, the first day of class, with "I'm not racist, but..." generally lead others to believe (correctly) that you are indeed racist.

The ACLU is a good thing. Really. It's not the cause of all your problems with employment (or lack thereof). You are.

Faulty logic alert: someone from Mexico shouldn't be allowed to work in the U.S., but someone from Poland should be? How does this reasoning work?

I'm not intimidated by the use of foul language. I can talk like a sailor. And trust me, I have. And, yes, I put you in your place with the swearing yesterday; next time, I'll ask you to leave the room. Don't think I won't.

I like technology in my classroom. It's not my problem if you use AOL at home and can't access (so you say) our online technology for class. There are other places you can get online, namely the school where you are taking this class.

Don't roll your eyes and tell me the best prof. you've ever had (and don't think i didn't notice your emphasis five different times that that prof. is a man) didn't use the school's online stuff, but his own "much more complicated web stuff" and it worked just fine for you, so why can't everyone use it? Why? Well, because I like the school's stuff and it works well. The rest of the class has no problem with it.

And when I suggest you use a library or campus computer, and you tell me "well, crap, at what point am I going to have to change my entire life for this freakin' class?" you have essentially lost any desire in me i might have had to try and help you work it out.

i'm a _________ instructor. we teach ________. we're going to do a lot of _____________ in class. you are the one who signed up for a _____________ class. going on and on about how this is your last and final class isn't going to earn you bonus points. it isn't going to excuse you from the work. it isn't going to win you a gold medal. but it might, just might, if you finish this class, get your degree, and go out looking for work, get you one of those jobs you're pissed that the ACLU helped give to a Mexican and not you.

to respond to Inga and the HPV thing

This started out as a comment, but I run on too long, so here we are.

I'm on board for the condoms thing, obviously, but I'm guessing fewer people than we think know about HPV and cancer. I asked around actually, because I was ranting myself, and the kids younger than 25 didn't know. I was shocked. Again, obviously. Maybe they're not talking to their doctors as closely as we did. Maybe their doctors are restricted by this government's Puritan stances on our behavior and education. Maybe we heard these things in sex ed while these kids heard only about how unreliable condoms were. Maybe the focus on HIV/AIDS over the past decades took the wind out of the sails of conversations about other STDs. (Of course, we should focus on HIV/AIDS, but not to the exclusion of other real threats to our sexual health.) I don't know.

I'm aware of these things in large part because I was, at a relatively young age, with a man who insisted on conversations about our sexual histories long before we became intimate. If I hadn't been with him, maybe I'd have let my awareness of these things fall by the wayside of "learned in class before drivers' ed." How many young people have that luxury? And how many women know that they're infected with HPV? How many really are? How many young women have had the "freezing procedure"? How many haven't needed to? How many don't see their doctors regularly enough (or ever) to know either way?

I'm usually as critical as the next guy over drug ads, and I'll wholeheartedly agree that this one's a flim-flam crap-fest. After asking a few women younger than I am, though, I can't say that I don't want women asking their doctors about HPV.

And maybe, just maybe, she'll tell them about, say it with me now, c-o-n-d-o-m-s.

cable afternoons

i stumbled upon the discovery channel show the cash cab. i'd be kickin' ass and takin' names. the last group won $1800, but this recent girl in the pink beret and bad blue eyeshadow's not as hot. she's leaving the vehicle with $250, which i guess isn't chump change. i need to get to nyc to find this damned cab. fuck jeopardy.

things that make you go "hmm"

Says Neal Conan today about the screw, nut, and bolt lost by one of the astronauts on the spacestation (what a change in our cultural focus that i can't actually name one of those astronauts. contrast: who is buzz aldrin?) whilst on a six-hour spacewalk: "Authorities worry that floating junk in space could damage the spacestation." Thinks Stella about this revelation: "Seems like a good reason not to send our trash up there."

Color Stella excited

and drinking alone. I think I'll survive here in BF, SS (That's BumFuck, StateSouth, for those of you in the know.). I've found a good Thai restaurant, a decent sushi place, a natural foods store, a farmers' market, AND a rocktastic liquor store. First, a caveat: while nearly everything in this place is dirt cheap compared to prices over there where Inga still lives, wine is hella expensive! The Pepperwood Grove Pinot Noir that Inga and I had chosen as our house wine because of its reasonable three-digit price, is four dollars more expensive here than in a place where homes cost double what they do here! WTF? Okay, anyhow, the liquor store is rocktastic. I think I mentioned that already. They carry the entire Bogle and Estancia lines. They've got a nice little section of too-expensive-for-any-occasion-I'll-be-involved-in wines. Better news? Tomorrow is "ladies' night," which means that we get a discount, I'm assuming. Best news? They carry the bottled sangria that's served at the tapas place we used to go to in the City. Seriously, if I light a cigarette in another room, play some crappy Spanish pop music, and close my eyes, I almost think I'm in the cafe bar. Where's my salmon ahumado?! Trouble.

you know you're someplace special when

when you walk through the quad at 9:45 in the morning and see a girl smoking a swisher sweet while reading her textbook.

Rainy Day Rant.

Okay, enough with the commercials about a vaccine that might wipe out cervical cancer caused by HPV. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for education. But give me a break. Who amongst us doesn't know about HPV and its link to cervical cancer? A random survey of our friends will show that not only do we know about the connection, but a fair number have already had surgery to remove pre-cancerous cells.

I find the commercials kind of icky, frankly, esp. the girl who announces, "I want to call someone I love." Or the actress-mother, with her arm around the actress-daughter, saying, "I want to talk to her doctor" (aside: uhm, she can't, can she? doesn't the daughter have doctor-patient privacy?).

Why isn't anyone on this commercial saying what we all already know to be a good way to avoid contracting HPV: condoms. condoms. condoms. why doesn't the actress-mom say, "I'm going to make sure she knows about condoms, just in case she's actually having sex when she's telling me she isn't."

condoms, damnit! condoms! always a good thing.

everybody knows that alice cooper's a hippie...

Monk is my guilty pleasure, I have to say.

amazing!

i bought an airline ticket recently, the receipt for which was sent to me via email. unfortunately, it was in a .dat file, which you can't open if you don't use outlook, and i don't think anyone should use outlook. ever.

so, i started peeking online for ways to open this tricky file, and i found this handy, dandy app by josh jacob. it's for macs. because that's what the cool kids, including stella's mutti!!, are doing.

rockfuckingtastic.

hmm.

Interesting. Do you think Average Joe & Jane Viewers will realize that 'fictional' circumstances have been added ~ and that this is a work of 'fiction' based on real events? Or will the average viewer take something on a t.v. show as gospel?

Hmm.

it was only a matter of time.

are we surprised it took this long?

designers can be blind?

I mean, really? vincent thought (to the right of the screen) this was haute couture? the only thing worse ~ okay, maybe the only thing tied with it ~ was Laura's poor dress (to the left ~ "maybe it was little too dramatic?" ?!! Ouch.

for stella's sister

see. it's funny:

why haven't I been watching this show?!?!?

More from Keith Olbermann:



Indeed.

how to speak in liberal code

It's simple: Use big words.

Too bad, then, that the current administration won't understand what Olbermann is balls-out saying:



Here's an article coving Rummy's speech.

i actually ingested too much lip gloss, she says

true love.

is it so bad that i love this so much?

obviously we're still friends because she's so pretty and i'm so sassy.

as you all know, over the weekend grace and i worked on prostituting ourselves. i actually found a pretty cool, non-academic job searching for an academic that does what i do. cool. so i applied. i mean, you never know, right? and, as it's a non-academic position, uh, maybe it pays a living wage?

but i digress.

so sunday i spent the day with oonagh. we went for a long walk with vivian and grilled a mighty kickass tilapia, i might say, and some asparagus, too. we chatted. i mentioned the position. oonagh was excited for me. "great," she said, pouring us another glass of wine. "this could be really good for you."

"well," i began, ready to go on ~ likely in way too much depth ~ about how i don't know if i want to leave academia, i don't know if i want a job quite like that, blah, blah, blah, but oonagh interrupted me.

"really, inga, this could be a great opportunity for you." oonagh is wise, so i perked up my ears to listen. perhaps she would give me the insight i'll need to consider if this organization decides to call me for an interview of some sort. oonagh leaned in closer. "i mean, just think of all the new dating opportunities this could open up for you. you know, professional types."

why do think my "uh, that's not really why i applied for this job" didn't really resonate?

i heart you, oonagh, you know i do.

aww, hell no.

Why? WHY?!?! Why fuck up the working vocabulary of the alternatives to factory farming and ranching? Oh, I forgot for a second. When you control the discourse....

Any organization that sues an entire continent to open its grocers' shelves to genetically-modified fruits and vegetables by calling not doing so "unfair to business" and "immoral" really shouldn't be surprising me now, though, should it?

stella's going to hell already, so . . .

Don't tell me you saw this coming:

Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter, was killed last week by a stingray. A stingray?

I wonder if the crocs feel cheated.

trying to fit in with the locals

My sister and I went to Target yesterday, and in the parking lot, we saw a bumper sticker that read, "Jesus is the answer." So we started coming up with questions that could take that answer. It's a fun game. Try it yourself!

For example, "What's one funtastic name made even more so by its transition to a Hispanic pronunciation?" Answer: Jesus!

our afternoon of prostitution.

so gracie is in town visiting. the purpose of her visit, other than to spend quality time together after her year long stint at Prestigious U, was to try and take some of the pain out of the dreaded annual fall ritual of the Job Hunt.

or, as we like to call it - total prostitution.

thus, here is grace's tribute to the pain we must all endure, year after year after year, because, really, isn't it true that capitalisizm commodifies identity which is thus how we end up with Human Resources? definer, this is for you.

Dear Professor X and Search Committee members,

I am writing to you to apply for the assistant professor position as
advertised in X. I am currently a postdoctoral fellow at school L, working
on issues vaguely related to but hardly commeasurate with my actual research
and teaching interests. My areas of specialization include the form and
function of P, the politics of Q, the history of R, and the epistemology of
S. As you can see, my actual teaching and research interests are those that
seem to characterize your department; what a good match we would be.

My book manuscript, X, focuses on issues that will magically fulfill your
department’s needs, at least as I understand those needs based on the seven
lines of your job ad and a lot of hand-wringing. Well, I do fulfill most of
these needs, but in the next paragraph I deal with any needs that I may not
fill in my other on-going projects – since, of course, the book project is
not enough. Indeed, it is precisely because of the history of R and the form
and function of P that one must study both the politics of Q and the
epistemology of S, which I plan to pursue in my subsequent monograph. Or is
it the other way around? Since my first “book” isn’t under contract, I may
as well speculate either way.

In my other projects, I continue to think about S, R, Q, and the form and
function of P. In addition, I am working towards walking not only on solid
surfaces, but also on liquid ones and, eventually, gas. In “Water and Sky
Walker: A Critical Inquiry into the Stuff of Substance” I plan to sustain my
“walking” for long enough to cross linguistic and national borders –
crossings that will allow me to think liquid, gas, and solid substances in
the comparative mode. I plan to submit this essay to Substance this coming
summer. In “The Substance of Stuff: Thinking Stuff in History” I practice
temporal displacement, considering not only PQR and S but also liquid, solid
and gaseous matter in their historical specificity. I plan to submit this
essay to the journal SPQR: Histories of Stuff in Winter of 2007. In
general, it is the interface of these elements, as well as their temporal
and spatial movements, that drive my own projects. All of this movement,
after all, should be thoroughly interiorized by my work, before I move on to
discussing restoring it to its proper exteriority.

Similar to my research, my teaching involves engaging students with lots of
stuff about stuff. I have taught exactly what your department advertises at
three other schools, where I received highly positive evaluations and
feedback from both faculty and students. Although I would want to hear more
about your school’s needs than the aforementioned seven lines, I would love
to teach classes about what I can tell about those needs based on the seven
lines. My training at The University of Blah has perfectly prepared me to
teach precisely those needs; or, at least, on-going debates about
intellectual and epistemological priorities have prepared me to teach about
why we must teach about some things and not others. I would love to offer a
course at School X on petty in-fighting and its afterlife, called “On
Intellect and Infighting; or, why some stuff is more important than other
stuff.” Students can take classes after mine where they will actually learn
some of the stuff that they have decided, with me, is important; they will
approach all material with a different level of investment!


I appreciate your consideration, and hope that there is something about this
letter that captures your attention so that you might meet me and we can
talk about stuff together. I do hope that I will not feel so overwhelmed by
the process of placing myself on a shelf with labels and a barcode that I
will be able to conduct aforementioned conversation with aplomb. As I
continue to work toward expertise in the above areas without the
institutional support that all academics deserve but only those deemed most
worthy earn, I keep my fingers crossed that this letter will be the one that
opens the door to such support. And a salary. And a sense of social
legitimacy before the age of 40. And the possibility of having and
supporting a family. My work has made me nothing if not aware of the
privilege that such hand-wringing constitutes. And I do feel strangely lucky
to focus my acuity, trained through graduate school, on critiquing while
reproducing the drama. Here’s to drama! Perhaps that should be my next
book.

Love, Hugs and Kisses to each and every member of the search committee,
Grace

the inga show.

okay, so let me just say, i have not murdered stella and stuffed her in a trunk. she's been super busy as of late, what with packing up and moving to y. those of us who know and love stella are excited for her and this new opportunity; however, we are also alarmed. the town of y, it turns out, has a church on every corner of every street. stella, it's widely known, is suspicious of people who believe in god. not that stella is the anti-christ or anything, but you know.

so while i could go on and on about how sad it is stella has left our fold, that really isn't inga's style. so instead, i'll share my latest on the french translation student, last seen sitting in my classroom this summer.

yesterday i read my student evals from my summer course. the criticism was constructive; there were some thoughtful suggestions about planning the course, as well as some suggestions that are moot (sorry, kids, the group project is a departmental requirement). some students were funny and thoughtful. two were snarky, snarky, snarky - the kind of snark that makes inga proud.

french translation: "it's so really painfully obvious this is her first class ever. she really needs to work on it more. and it's unacceptable that she counts spelling and grammar on our written exams. this is a _______ course, not english." because, a we all know, grammar and spelling don't count a bit in _________.

guy sweet on french translation: "she really needs to remember she teaches college. and its [sic] wrong to count grammer [sic] on written tests."

brace yourselves. it's only hours, days, weeks, before our fair stella posts again.