07 April 2007

of course i'm married.

oh the week has been so much fun! let's recount, shall we?

I.
i stopped at the real estate office to sign my new contract (remind me to tell you about this later). as i was going in, super good looking young guy also going into the office says, in his lovely south african accent, 'hey, one of your front tires is low.' i look and sure enough, it is. i thank him. i sign said contact, then get in said car with the low tire and drive to the nearest gas station to put air in it.

lo and behold, big gas truck is parked in front of the air machine. guy is adding gas to the what i suppose is the gas station's gas supply. 'it'll be just a sec,' he says. okay, no problem. 'i'll
wait,' i say. 'what seems to be the problem?' he asks (at this point i'm thinking to myself - well...i'm waiting in front of the air pump, so the likely problem is...needing air?). he moseys over to take a look see. 'oh, wow, that tire is nearly flat! i'll just finish up here and then help you.' help me? 'oh, no worries. i can take care of it,' i say. of course he won't take no for an answer. so he finishes doing the transfer of gas thing, rolls up his hoses, then squats down to take a gander at my tire.

nail is the verdict. a big ol' nail in my tire. 'you'll need a patch,' he says, 'not a plug.' then he proceeds to fill the tire up with air while i stand by apparently helpless.

'you from ______?' he has noticed my license plates, yet to be changed.
'yup,' i say, neglecting to correct his mispronunciation of the tundra.
'you and your husband just move?'

pause. i can't talk because my mouth is stuck in an 'O' formation.

he finishes up. "now your husband won't have to worry 'bout this til you get home.'

'thanks so much for your help,' i say.

he smiles broadly. he has not noticed the sarcasm in my voice. 'well, listen, if my wife was in need, i'd hope someone would help her out.'

i smile. 'well, my husband thanks you, too,' i say. he has still not noticed the sarcasm that's permeating the air we're breathing.

i drive away. quickly.

II.
so my new place of employment is awesome. we totally got a special before work pre-easter breakfast catered! who cares that not everyone in the world is christian? we got a spread of eggs, bacon, grits, TWO kinds of sausage, yogurt, hash browns, orange juice. rock on. this wouldn't happen in t
he tundra!

then, once we got back to our desks, our social committee (we have a social committee!), it turns out, had arranged an easter egg hunt on every floor! an email was waiting in our inboxes! 25 eggs. some with candy. some with GIFT CERTIFICATES!


so i finished my plate of easter breakfast food and thought, huh, i could totally do an egg hunt. what the hell? but before i can stand up to, you know, start looking aimlessly for eggs, i hear the women on the other side of my cubicle.

'yeah, so when i got here this morning, i found like six eggs.'
'really? you got six?'
'oh, yeah, walking to the coffee area, i just saw them all over, so i took them all.'
'yeah, i got some, too! but i didn't get the gift certificate.'
'oh, don't worry. so-and-so did. but it was a chili's card, not t
he really good target one, so big deal.'
'so did we get all the eggs?'
'yeah, i think so!'

but wait! our email from the social committee made it cle
ar that, uhm, well, we should probably only take one egg each. and, uh, isn't it an unspoken rule that you should probably only look on the section of the floor that's your department's section? oh, wait. i'm rational.

back to the ladies.
'he he he, we got all the eggs!'
'yeah, some of the candy sucks, though.'
'why couldn't we have gotten the good prizes?'

i frown. then i hear the boys over in video production, on the other aisle. they are talking excitedly about looking for eggs. most of the video boys have kids. it sounds like they're going to take the eggs they might find home to the babies.

back to the ladies, who are cackling at having come in early and gotten all the eggs.

back to the video boys, who by now have searched hi and lo and can't find any eggs. now one of the video boys walks over to where the ladies are and says, 'hey, so i've been looking for an egg and can't find one! they must be hidden really well. this is hard!' to which the ladies all laugh. 'oh, we got all the eggs when we got here early,' they tell him and cackle some more.

'oh,' video boy says, sounding totally dejected. 'oh, uh, cool.'
he walks back to his aisle and sadly announces the eggs were all found before the rest of us got in. he sounds sad.

so, yeah, listen. i could really care less about the eggs. liv d.h. and i agree on that - egg, no egg, whatever. sure, a chili's gift card would have been great. who doesn't love a free margarita every now and again? the target gift card? even better. crappy candy? still a bonus. it's just the fact that these GROWN ladies
(a) cheated. arrived early and found all the eggs before the other, oh, seventy people on the floor arrived.
(b) looked in areas outside of their department.
(c) bragged about taking all the eggs.
(d) showed no remorse, sorrow, or embarrassment that they'd done a,b, and c!

but as liv d.h.'s lovely husband pointed out - what? like easter is
the holiday all about someone making sacrifices?

please.



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