bitches.
so i've got these neighbors. they're an older couple who own a candy store. two, actually. you'd think anyone who owns a candy store and makes their own candy would be, well, sweet, right? wrong. when i moved into my house a couple of years ago, Mr. Neighbor welcomed me to the 'hood not with a basket of other-wordly chocolate delights, but with mowing his lawn at 7 am. seriously. dude totally thought i was a student whose parents bought her a house to live in.
so i tried to make nice-nice with Mr. Neighbor. he's old(er) and frankly a curmudgeon. aside from making candy, they neighbors are also dog-showers. they've got two show dogs that are truly, undeniably, horribly ugly (and this! from inga the dog lover!). they dogs are obnoxious. they bark and bark and bark at rye and vivien. they bark at me every time i go into my yard. so, naturally, by comparision, my dogs look like red-headed stepchildren. Mr. Neighbor tries to offer helpful advice, such as
"You need choke collars on those dogs. That'll help keep 'em under control."
"Obedience school. That's what you need."
"Your dogs are how old? Hmm."
And then there's my personal favorite mode of advice, Mr. Neighbor's silent gaze down his nose as he surveys the most helpless girl and her dogs in the world across his fence.
last summer, the neighbors got a third dog, a puppy show dog, and really, the puppy is cute. and he and rye (who is obviously so totally gay) love each other. they run along the fence and frolick, bark, banter with one another. it's cute. cute enough that even Mrs. Neighbor will sometimes remark "oh, look how rye and sir puppiness get along! they really love each other!"
so i felt like the puppy and rye's relationship was sort of a bridge between the neighbors and me. they'd see that my dogs are frolicky, happy beasts who are well-loved, despite their non-show dog obedience.
too bad rye and vivien aren't in on the plan.
yesterday, while out walking through campus, we came across the neighbors and the show dogs walking, too. and, as always, instead of happily wagging tails and crooning love, rye and vivien acted like total and complete assholes - barking like idiots, growling, attmepting to break free of their restraints and maul the show dogs. as soon as the neighbors and show dogs quickly walked away and around the corner of a building - voila. i suddenly was walking the happiest, most well-behaved dogs in the world.
jerks.
so i tried to make nice-nice with Mr. Neighbor. he's old(er) and frankly a curmudgeon. aside from making candy, they neighbors are also dog-showers. they've got two show dogs that are truly, undeniably, horribly ugly (and this! from inga the dog lover!). they dogs are obnoxious. they bark and bark and bark at rye and vivien. they bark at me every time i go into my yard. so, naturally, by comparision, my dogs look like red-headed stepchildren. Mr. Neighbor tries to offer helpful advice, such as
"You need choke collars on those dogs. That'll help keep 'em under control."
"Obedience school. That's what you need."
"Your dogs are how old? Hmm."
And then there's my personal favorite mode of advice, Mr. Neighbor's silent gaze down his nose as he surveys the most helpless girl and her dogs in the world across his fence.
last summer, the neighbors got a third dog, a puppy show dog, and really, the puppy is cute. and he and rye (who is obviously so totally gay) love each other. they run along the fence and frolick, bark, banter with one another. it's cute. cute enough that even Mrs. Neighbor will sometimes remark "oh, look how rye and sir puppiness get along! they really love each other!"
so i felt like the puppy and rye's relationship was sort of a bridge between the neighbors and me. they'd see that my dogs are frolicky, happy beasts who are well-loved, despite their non-show dog obedience.
too bad rye and vivien aren't in on the plan.
yesterday, while out walking through campus, we came across the neighbors and the show dogs walking, too. and, as always, instead of happily wagging tails and crooning love, rye and vivien acted like total and complete assholes - barking like idiots, growling, attmepting to break free of their restraints and maul the show dogs. as soon as the neighbors and show dogs quickly walked away and around the corner of a building - voila. i suddenly was walking the happiest, most well-behaved dogs in the world.
jerks.
posted by lynda at 8:35 AM
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