that time of year

the semester, thank god, is almost over. it's been crazy. and now, with the year dwindling to an end, my job is driving me crazy. sure, it's something completely curable with large doses of sunning and reading and drinking wine; i fully expect to get over the semester's ill effects by mid-June. But until then, let's review, shall we?

exhibit a - a student who has been using APA her entire college career asked for an MLA handout. por que, i inquired. so she could make sure her citations were correct because she always uses MLA. what occured next was a snark fight, in the most polite terms, between the two of us. no, i said. you always use APA. no, she said. i use mla. do not. do, too. do not. and voila. look down. yes, yes. APA. stella will be proud - i held my tongue from proclaiming 'na na na na na na!'

you can graduate without realizing the citation style your discipline has required of you for all of your major classes?

exhibit b - a doctoral student came in to work. i asked what course she was coming in for. she replied, full of snark, 'it's not a class. it's for my dissertation." hmm. later, when is sat down, i coyly said, 'dissertations are part of a class. 699 is indicative of dissertation hours.' there! got her. she is indeed enrolled in a class! but for what discipline? i asked her. she shrugged. you know, i hedged, your department, your discipline, the letters in front of the numbers of your classes. i'm not in classes. i know, i know, i get it - but when you were, what were the letters? she shrugged again. there was a pause. our impasse was clear. what is your discipline? i asked again, clearly vexed. not one to be bullied, though, she shrugged again. i don't know, they changed the name of it a year ago.

so, really? you can honestly be writing a dissertation if you don't have a clue as to what department you're in?

exhibit c - stella announced to her students that if they wanted her to review an assignment before it was due, they had to call and arrange appointments with her. many of her students did. a fair amount didn't and will live with the consequences, whatever they may be. a dozen or so emailed her their papers last night to see if she'd read through them 'real quick.'

really? you can not heed the advice 'call and make an appointment to see me in person' but you can expect the same results via email?

exhibit d - my class had a work night yesterday. we met in the computer lab and the students who showed up worked hard and diligently workshopping one another's work. during the course of class three students emailed to explain why they were absent - one did not feel well and said she'd see me next class with her finished portfolio. one said she did not feel well, but would stop by to see me to discuss revision (ha! i'm completely booked through next week!). one attached her draft and said she had a sinus headache but would like my comments or a classmate's comments emailed back to her.

really? you can not show up and do two and a half hours worth of work, but expect someone to go ahead and do the work for you?

exhibit e - but beautiful gracie really summed it up well for me this morning. she called from ___________ where she is _________________. _____________, of course, is quite an A1 ______________. and she's going crazy. her students seem to need more hand holding this spring than all of Stella's grammar students put together (and trust me, that's a bunch of grammar students!). we sympathized with each other. we grumbled. then grace said the words that made my blood run cold: 'well, when students' tuition per year is more than my yearly salary, i guess they expect some handholding.'

so you can really teach at a place where students pay more to learn than you're paid to enlighten?

and they wonder what's the matter with higher education. or lower education, for that matter.

verdict: summer cannot get here soon enough.