Tips for Students, Volume 1
Those of you who know me know that I teach a course in which adherence to the most prescriptive traditional English grammar is required. The students who have spent the past 13 weeks in my class ought to know this fact as well. Why, then, do you think that any student would even bother sending me this email:
"I wanted to take my test b4 class because i have to pick up my little sister from a after school program at 4. If i take the test in class I will be pressed for time and I need to focus on my test. i called around 1245, but u are not in ur office. Someone in the department said that u were in a meeting. I tried to get in contact with [insert misspelled! TA's name] and I was told she will be out. I left a message for her. Can I make up the test Wed, I will try to get in contact with [differently misspelled TA's name again!]. if u agree to me making up the test wed can u please let [misspelled TA's name one more time] (if she is in class) know. I am having problems with my Internet, so please call me today when u have a chance XXX XXX XXXX. Thanks do u know [misspelled TA's name]'s office hours?"
Where to start?
First, dear Student, know your audience. Start actually spelling out words. Before is hardly more difficult to type than b4, and what's so hard about adding the y and the o to the word you? Now, consider finding out how to spell your teachers' names. Knowing their names when you expect them to know yours is only common courtesy. Moreover, think about signing your name to your emails. I know it's unbelievable, but I'm not really sure which of my 150 students you are when the only identifier you leave me is your student-id or your borderline inappropriate email address. FallOutSucks3884@suckbands.com is not the sort of address that clarifies your identity for me in an anonymous email. On top of it, don't ask me to tell you the office hours of the TA you should have been seeing for help all semester. They have been in the same top right corner of the syllabus I handed you 13 weeks ago all semester. Look there. How can it be easier to email me than it is to pick a sheet of paper out of your notebook or to open a link on our class website?
About the grammar, I'm weeping silently right this minute. Have we talked at length about comma splices, independent clauses, final punctuation, fused sentences, capitalization, pronouns, gerundive phrases? Yes, we have. Please, dear Student, at least try to put into practice some of the rules we discussed in class. Your passing my class depends on your exhibited mastery of (or at least compentence with) exactly the prescriptive rules you are flouting here in my face! I want to give you the benefit of most doubts; don't make it impossible for me to do so.
"I wanted to take my test b4 class because i have to pick up my little sister from a after school program at 4. If i take the test in class I will be pressed for time and I need to focus on my test. i called around 1245, but u are not in ur office. Someone in the department said that u were in a meeting. I tried to get in contact with [insert misspelled! TA's name] and I was told she will be out. I left a message for her. Can I make up the test Wed, I will try to get in contact with [differently misspelled TA's name again!]. if u agree to me making up the test wed can u please let [misspelled TA's name one more time] (if she is in class) know. I am having problems with my Internet, so please call me today when u have a chance XXX XXX XXXX. Thanks do u know [misspelled TA's name]'s office hours?"
Where to start?
First, dear Student, know your audience. Start actually spelling out words. Before is hardly more difficult to type than b4, and what's so hard about adding the y and the o to the word you? Now, consider finding out how to spell your teachers' names. Knowing their names when you expect them to know yours is only common courtesy. Moreover, think about signing your name to your emails. I know it's unbelievable, but I'm not really sure which of my 150 students you are when the only identifier you leave me is your student-id or your borderline inappropriate email address. FallOutSucks3884@suckbands.com is not the sort of address that clarifies your identity for me in an anonymous email. On top of it, don't ask me to tell you the office hours of the TA you should have been seeing for help all semester. They have been in the same top right corner of the syllabus I handed you 13 weeks ago all semester. Look there. How can it be easier to email me than it is to pick a sheet of paper out of your notebook or to open a link on our class website?
About the grammar, I'm weeping silently right this minute. Have we talked at length about comma splices, independent clauses, final punctuation, fused sentences, capitalization, pronouns, gerundive phrases? Yes, we have. Please, dear Student, at least try to put into practice some of the rules we discussed in class. Your passing my class depends on your exhibited mastery of (or at least compentence with) exactly the prescriptive rules you are flouting here in my face! I want to give you the benefit of most doubts; don't make it impossible for me to do so.
posted by stella at 11:04 AM
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